Pen or bomb? One can never really know… pick up at your own risk!

Pen or bomb? One can never really know… pick up at your own risk!

Oh my god this place is ridiculous.

In the middle of class a student silently approached the door, mumbled something in Luo and quickly walked away. Immediately following my co-teacher instructed all the students to depart the classroom and meet in the assembly area where the Amuro district police were waiting. .

The unexpected visit went as follows:

Student representative: Good afternoon police officials, police deputies, police assistants, head teacher, teachers, international teachers, students and… (Literally listing off virtually every person/position in attendance). I will be brief as I do not actually know when the police have called this meeting. I would just like to welcome our visitors and now a few words from our head teacher.

Head teacher: Good afternoon police officials, police deputies, police assistants, teachers, international teachers, students and… (Literally listing off virtually every person/position in attendance). I will be brief as I don’t wish to take up to much time but first I would just like to welcome our visitors and now a few words from _____ teacher.

_____ teacher: Good afternoon police officials, police deputies, police assistants, head teacher, teachers, international teachers, students and… (Literally listing off virtually every person/position in attendance). I will be brief as I don’t wish to take up to much time but first I would just like to welcome our visitors and now a few words from _____.

Sweet baby Jesus- introductions went on for nearly 15 minutes! This introduction ritual is common practice in Ugandan.

Finally the purpose for their visit is revealed- to discuss the events in Kampala with the students. If someone would have asked me what I thought the police were about to say I would have predicted the following:

Ladies and gentlemen, I am sure that you are al aware of the events that occurred in Kampala last week. First, it is the belief of the government that Gulu region is not at risk of a follow up attack (True). We are simply here as a precaution and to remind students to be aware of their surroundings and alert to suspicious activity. Students should also avoid crowed places and events. Thank you for your time.

Ha! I sure was wrong.

The four police officers started by telling students that schools ARE being targeted by terrorist groups (false) and that there is a strong possibility that they will all die. No, you did not read that wrong. The police told the students that they will all likely die at the hands of terrorists.

Police officer #1 started his speech by describing to students how a backpack could conceal a bomb (maybe- but a stretch) and that if they see a backpack they should call the police. Did they forget that they came to a SCHOOL? Everyone has backpacks!!

Police officer #2 followed by telling students they need to be weary of strangers. They should avoid all strangers and report any stranger they see on campus. The police are clearly unaware of the fact that this school gets a lot of aid money and therefore people tour it daily. The officer warned students that strangers carry bombs, all strangers, and they will die it a stranger comes on campus. During the course of the lecture two different vehicles pulled up filled with strangers. I can’t believe we survived!

Police officer #3 told the students how a cell phone could double as a bomb so if a student happens upon an abandoned phone (s)he shouldn’t pick it up because it will explode and they will blow up. He also stated, in response to a question, that bombs can also come in pill form (really?) and blow someone up from the inside. This confused me, would a terrorist swap out the meds of unsuspecting sick people in order to blow them up or would they turn themselves into a human bomb by digesting the pill? And how much damage could it really do insulated by organs, bones, skin, etc. What would detonate the pill bomb? Water? Food? Bile? I have so many unanswered questions about pill bombs.

Police officer #4 warned the students (remember students) of pens. Yup- PENS! He warned students of the high, very high, probability of bombs being hidden in pens. Terrorists really like pens that click since that is an easy way to detonate but any pen can be used as a bomb. The lecture about the pen bombs continued for over 25 minutes. After the stern warning about the real threat of bombs being hidden in pens the police opened up the talk for questions. A student asked, “What should I do if I find a pen?” The police responded with a completely logical answer, “first, you should make a sign to alert others of the pen bomb. After that you should leave and call the police.” Please reread the response. Make a sign! I can’t stop laughing about this. Make a freaking sign and put it next to the pen. Oh my god- this is so ridiculous and absurd.

After this initial question there was a series of equally outrageous questions and answers but I couldn’t stop giggling from the pen/sign comment to pay much attention. A FREAKING SIGN- hahahahahaha!

So… you can only guess how I am spending my week. Obviously, I am making warning signs for all the unidentified pens at the IC house. Oh how I use my spare time productively here ☺

And P.S. beware the Witch Doctors and Gays they are just as dangerous as the Al Shabab terrorist group.

The humor in this place is the only thing that keeps me sane.

A freaking sign…